Where Have I Been?

(I began typing this out on Nov 18th, and just finished it.... )

I can't believe how long it's been since I've really blogged. I miss it. But each time I think about it, it's just not the right timing. Now, I sit here with Dane and Jett napping. And Deklan is napping as well next to me in a little pack n play. So now in the quiet of my home, I breathe in God's goodness and am grateful for these moments to get some thoughts out, and catch up on what's been going on in the Shepherd household.

Where do I begin? I think I'll start with just before Halloween. Zach fractured his hand- he hit it just right, on a chair. Yes, that's right. He was frustrated, and there was a chair nearby, so there you have it. And yes, at first I was thinking, I can't believe this is happening! How are we going to pay for the surgery he will most likely have to have on that? How could he make such a poor choice and let his anger out like that? What is everyone going to think? This is so embarrassing! His students are going to have to know what happened- can he keep his job? I was going through all kinds of emotions.

So we headed to urgent care on a Sunday morning (the older 3 kids were with my parents and had spend the night there). They took an x-ray, and let him know it was fractured and that he would most likely need surgery (turns out it didn't, thank goodness!) Great. But you know what? I felt a strange peace while I was there. I began to see my husband embark on a journey that he's been praying to take, and this marked the beginning of that journey...

One of the students from where he teaches, as well as his mom walked into the urgent care as we walked out, seeing Zach's splint. What happened, they asked? He told them, and they laughed thinking he was joking. And seeing he wasn't, the mom said that's crazy because we were just talking about tempers and the importance of reigning them in.  Zach said something like, well here's what happens when you don't. They were sweet, and I was actually grateful for that masterfully God-planned encounter.

Let the humbling lessons begin."School is in session" as one of our dear friends would say about God helping us to grow and mature into being more like Him...


When we got into the car, Zach kept apologizing for making the choice that he did, and for letting his frustrations out that way. Yet, he had just been praying not 15 minutes before it happened that God would do whatever He needed to to break him. To shape him, and to rid him of anything that stood in the way of him coming near to God. He'd told God that he didn't have it in him to do it on his own, and asked for God's help.

Coincidence? I know it wasn't. God can take even our wrong choices, and use them for His glory. I just think that is SO amazing and incredible. We have such a personal God, that he could take something like Zach' breaking his hand because he was angry, and from that, painting an absolutely stunning canvas of who He is. What I mean is that this was the beginning of us heading back onto the narrow path of following Him.

Isaiah 14:24
The LORD of hosts has sworn: "As I have planned,
   so shall it be,
and as I have purposed,
   so shall it stand,

Romans 8:28

And we know that for those who love God all things work together  for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.


He went to school, and all the kids of course wanted to know- "Mr Shepherd, what happened to your hand?" So he told them what had happened, and what he was beginning to learn from it. And one of the coolest things I think came from that was that now his students (and the staff and parents) know that he is just a human being who's working out his own salvation- not this high and mighty Bible teacher that has it all together, and has everything spiritual figured out.

Let the humbling continue...

The kids now see him as learning with them. Because he is. He hasn't arrived. And neither have I. It feels like the older I get, and the closer I desire to be to Christ, I realize the more I don't know. Which means, the more I realize my true need for Jesus. Now, that's not to say they don't still respect his position of authority as their teacher, but it really seems to have opened up the path for them to really start digging into God's Word. Zach was reminded of his true need for the Word, and that spilled over onto the students. They look forward to learning from it each day. Zach says they're participating like they weren't before.

Oh, and the frustration attached to having a big bulky cast on his arm was something I never want to experience (although I can never say never I guess!)... but despite all of this, Zach truly maintained a grateful and humble attitude about it all. He still changed diapers (that was challenging- and took a while longer than normal), did dishes, folded clothes, and helped out like normal. I'm glad I'm typing all this out, because I didn't think much about how thankful I am that he maintained a humble and teachable heart through this. And it's not over. That was just the beginning. He now has his cast off, and is wearing a brace for the next few weeks.

I'm learning through all this that it doesn't matter what others think. I'm not to concern myself with trying to look like I have it all together. Clearly, I don't. Yet, why do I still want to look like I do? It's silly, but very real. And this was a lesson for me to not worry about what others think (wow, Zach really has a rage problem, is their marriage okay? Is Lisa okay?, etc) but to know that our family is desiring to follow God and grow. To be honest, our marriage is even better now than it was before. And this cast didn't make us bad or less worthy. This cast for us has marked the beginning of a journey. As much as the cast represents physical healing for Zach's hand, it also symbolizes spiritual healing for us. And yes, it's for all to see. And it's been neat to have my answer be more confident when someone asks me what happened to my husbands hand- confident not in who I am, but in who Christ is. And that is encouraging to me. I have a long way to go in this department, but it's a great start.

Then that same week he broke his hand, he got into a car accident. It was the van we were going to sell, since we now have a honda van that has air (yea!). So we'd just gotten it detailed and put it on craigslist. Then the battery died on his car, so he had to take the van to work. No one got hurt, and thankfully he didn't get the ticket for the accident. Who knows, maybe the damages will be enough that they just total the van. That would be cool, but I shouldn't hold my breath.

And we had some CRAZY weeks with our Teda girl. This is the biggie for me. She's really really struggled in the mornings getting ready. And it eventually was in the evenings getting ready for bed, and all in between. She hated the feeling of basically everything she had to wear. To where I started researching if she had some kind of sensory disorder. It got bad. She'd throw a fit at the drop of a hat, when it came to putting on clothing, getting out the door. We've missed many days of school, and have been late often as a result. It's mind bending. And takes MUCH self control, patience, and love. I struggle to have those with her, especially during this time. After much prayer and talking with Zach, talking with a few close friends, lots of talking with my mom, and trying to find wisdom in what to do- I resolved to just love her. Afterall that is my purpose here in life- to love God and love others. But what does loving her look like? We tried disciplining her, thinking it was just her being stubborn, not wanting to wear her school uniform, but that wasn't the case. Something was going on, and we didn't know what or how to help her. It was such an intense feeling of helplessness and frustration. But it certainly got me down on my knees, asking for help. The only thing that seemed to help, even just a little if any, was to love her and be patient and self controlled. Sit with her when she was crying, gently touch her, hug her, tell her it was going to be okay. Helping her to know she can trust me, I love her no matter how she acts (within boundaries), and it's going to be okay. That doesn't mean I didn't cave, because I did. But I would hop back on the horse, and love my sweet girl.

I've for some reason always seemed to struggle with connecting with Teda, and this was a huge connector for us. In these last 6 weeks, we've grown closer than ever, and she wants me to hold, hug, and be with her all the time. And each week in these last 3 have gotten better and better. I attribute this progress to two things- our desire as her mommy and daddy to love her through this, to show her we care and won't reject her when she is acting out of control and really praying through it; the other thing I attribute this progress to is her getting regular adjustments from our wonderful chiropractor, Dr. Dan. She's really responding well to it, and I'm excited to watch her body continue to respond to it. He says that by this time next year, our family will probably not be nearly as sick as we have been this year. Wahoo! I'm sick of our family being sick- it always one of us, or a few, or even all!

*****I am happy to report that these past few weeks have been awesome for Teda. She's been getting ready with virtually no hiccups, and it's just so wonderful. She's pretty much wearing all the things she refused to wear to school, which is a miracle in and of itself. She still has a harder time picking out something to wear when she's not in school, but it's getting better and better by the day. I literally dreaded the mornings with her, and now they're pleasant and she's in good spirits. We're grateful to have our little girl back! Thank you Jesus!!!!

Those are some huge things we've been growing through lately. Just thought I'd catch up a bit !