It Is Well With My Soul...

Sorry I haven't blogged in a really long time. Something just happened tonight though that I knew I wanted to remember forever.

The beginning of the story I wish I could forget, but it's part of the story so I have to tell it. I have been in a mood since about 5pm. When I say "a mood" I don't mean a good one. Just annoyed, irritable, angry, and short with the kids. It wasn't pretty and I am sad to say that I handled myself very poorly. One of those days where you are literally yelling "Don't yell at your sister!" What?! That doesn't make sense, mom. Yet, still I hold to it. As in, do as I say and not as I do. And that's not how I want to be remembered in my home....

So as I was struggling through just trying to push through the end of the bedtime routine. I finally decided to listen to the Holy Spirit's quiet knocking at my heart (it had been knocking since my attitude started.) Asking me to slow down, be still, be quiet, love, be patient, stop the madness, listen to how silly I sounded, calm down, telling me that the reason my kids were having trouble was because I was, relax, love, love, love.

So I asked the kids to come to me, and I humbled myself and apologized for my attitude and for the way I'd been treating them. Because really, it wasn't even them why I was feeling that way. I was just taking my feelings out on them. So not fair. Thus the apology. I asked them if I could start over.

Of course, they forgave me instantly, as they always so graciously do. (I have learned a LOT about grace through my sweet children.) I layed with them and held them and I'm not kidding, the feel of the room changed almost instantly as soon as I humbled myself and began to truly love them again. They returned that love so fast- they were wanting to be near me, telling me they loved me and that I was their best mommy ever. They just want to be loved. Don't we all?

So I'm finally getting to the reason I wanted to blog tonight. Jett called me back into his room after I kissed him goodnight, and he was recalling something that he said happened yesterday. He said that in the bathtub yesterday, Dane said he didn't like Jett's legs. Dane is sure he never said such a thing, and I wouldn't think Dane would. But I didn't argue with Jett. I asked him if that made him feel sad, and he said no. (I didn't believe him though because I'm telling you, anytime there are emotions involved and he gets hurt or embarrassed, he puts a wall up and doesn't want to talk about how he's feeling. It's very interesting and I'm working on how to get to his heart when things like this happen. I'm finding that it's not to push too hard to get him to admit how he's feeling.) So I told him that I was sorry that happened, and that I happened to LOVE his legs. I asked him if he knew why... and he said why. I told him it was because God made his legs. And God made them to jump, to run, to.... and Jett started to chime in and tell me the other things God made his legs to do. Dance, kick a ball, sit, stand, walk, march, eat candy (he can make ANYTHING about candy :)), and then he said "listen to God" I agreed with him, and then he said "Jesus is in our hearts." I agreed again, and asked him if Jesus was in his heart. He said yes I asked him what He says to him. And he responded, "that God made my legs." Jesus was telling him in his heart that God made his legs.

Jett made Buzz Lightyear cupcakes with me today, and he was so proud of his creations :)

Wow. Just melt my heart. That is what brings joy to my soul. Faith like a child, that's what I want. It's so pure, simple, precious, and real. It's truly not complicated at all.

I never would've gotten to have that conversation with my sweet 3 year old Jetty had I not decided to humble myself before my kids and say I'm sorry. That changed the course of our night, and I'm SO grateful. I'm thankful that the second half of our bedtime was filled with love, peace, and joy. And you know what? They haven't called for me at all since I left their rooms. (some nights they have a hard time going to sleep and talk and just call out so many times) I'm venturing to guess that their sweet little spirits felt loved, safe, and cared for.

Teda asked me if she could start over too, and I said that's what's so awesome is that we can always start over. And as I kissed her goodnight, she told me that tomorrow is a new day. Out of the mouth of babes... such wisdom. I love that God's plan is that we can start over anytime we need to. His grace is amazing. I'm still trying to grasp it and understand it. But I know I'm enjoying the benefits of it.

They know that we're all working on this thing called life. And we're doing it together. And knowing that I don't have to live condemned, but that I can feel conviced and act on that and change things- THAT is beautiful. I'm so thankful!