Pray for Kate McRae

There is SO much pain in this world, it's just overwhelming. I'm sitting here at the computer with a tear stained face from just sobbing. There is a little girl who is 5 years old, and just two weeks ago was totally healthy and normal. Her mom took her in to get a CT scan of her head at Phoenix Children's Hospital because her right hand was tremoring a little, and come to find out it is a malignant, aggressive brain tumor. Her name is Kate McRae, and she's just beautiful. Her parents names are Holly and Aaron, and they have two more children, Will and Olivia. Their entire world has been changed in the blink of an eye, and they need our prayers. She's had one brain surgery so far, and on Monday, they will start a very aggressive chemo therapy. Only 2000 children get diagnosed per year with a brain tumor, so this is very rare. She will be part of a research study, and it will be really hard on her body. I'm praying for total healing for her. And God can do that for her. Here is the link to a site that her parents keep very updated. They just seem like amazing people, and very God fearing. They have faith that He will heal their Kate. There's also a few you tube videos of updates on where they are at, and it just brought me to tears. (for you tube videos, click here and here) Why God? Well I do know why- so He can be glorified in it. And He is. Without a doubt. I just get so sad knowing that Kate and her family is suffering so that others can be brought to their knees to bow to our Creator. In the end, that's all that matters, nothing in this life matters except our relationship with God. We can't take any of it with us.

And I'm so ashamed for me not making the most of each day God gives me with my babies. I continually lose it with them- when they don't act how I think they should, or when they are whiny, selfish, you name it. My love is conditional. That is SO not how I want to parent. Yet why do I? I hate it. Being a mom is so hard. I feel totally unfit so often. It's hard to believe that God would entrust me with the responsibility of caring for, nurturing and loving these kids when I am such a selfish person. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids more than anything. I just wish I showed them that all the time. I know I'm going to get some comments saying not to beat myself up, and that that's just how being a mom is. But why does it have to be that way? Why does it take me being reminded by a sweet 5 year old's parents saying they wish they could have more date nights, more pizza and movie nights, more time with their baby girl before she got sick? I know God wants us to live in the moment, to enjoy each day, to not worry about the future and the what ifs, to love. Who cares if my house is a disaster area? Who cares if my blog isn't updated, my email goes unchecked a few more days than normal, etc? I know I can't blow off all my other responsibilities, but you know what I mean. Man, this life is seriously so short. And I know I don't even fully understand what I just said. I know there will be a time in my lifetime where I will lose someone very close to me, and I don't ever want that to happen. And when I do, will I be able to say that I loved them like Jesus loves them? Or that I did my best to love and cherish them? Not if I stay this selfish, that's for sure. Well anyways, enough of my venting and blabbering. When you think of it today, pray for Kate. And still be praying for baby Dylan (see my previous post for his story- and the link here for his blog).