(sigh)

In the last few weeks, I've been following closely the precious lives of two little ones- Kate McRae (www.prayforkate.com) and Dylan Praskins (www.prayfordylan.com). I know I've posted on here about them before, but my heart is just heavy for them. More Kate right now, but I just am sad that kids get sick like they do. I guess I'm blinded and take for granted that my kids are healthy right now. Kate is 5, and she looks just like Teda. I think that's part of why I've been watching and praying for her so much. As a matter of fact, this morning, I was checking the latest update on caringbridge, and there were pictures of her up on the screen, and Teda came in the room. I said, do you know who that is? She said, "It's me." I told her it's little Kate that we've been praying for. She said it looks a lot like her, and she's so right.

It's just a crazy thought that our lives can be turned upside down in a matter of seconds. A car accident, hearing those dreaded words from the dr, some kind of accident, etc. And my mind has just been filled with what ifs, and I know I can't live like that. But as I read these kids' web pages, with updates on how they're doing, I can't help but think, this could be my kids just as easily. And what if it is someday? Maybe I'm so drawn to it all because God is preparing my heart for something really hard to happen to us. Ugh, it's just almost too much to think about. And I know that God tells me to not worry about tomorrow because today has enough trouble of it's own. I need to live each day as each day is given to us. And enjoy it, love it, laugh, have fun. I'm sort of just feeling kinda funky right now. As I was reading Kate's page, I was lead to a few other people's pages that I don't know, but they're sick too- and it's just sad. Each person I've read, is praying that God will heal them, and has hope that He will. And I know that not each of those people will be healed. For the reasons that God has, He will be brough more glory if they either are or aren't healed. I don't even know if I'm making any sense.

My mind is going crazy fast right now- thinking of all the little bumps and things my kids have- could it be cancer? Dane has these swollen lymph nodes on the sides of his neck all the time- sometimes more swollen than others. Could that be something to worry about? I know that if I live like this, I could quite possibly and literally go crazy. I just have to stand on God's Word, and know that this is not the life we're here for. It's what comes after it- in Heaven, for Eternity. And if and when anyone close to me goes there (even me), it's so much better there! This life is preparation for Eternity with our Father, and that is so cool. So if one of my kids or Zach or someone close to me ever did get something that caused them to die, it's okay. Oh how painful that would feel, and I get choked up just thinking about it, but for the person it happens to, it's the ultimate- it's the best- getting to be in Heaven with Jesus- are you kidding me? Nothing could be better than that. I'm just so selfish and don't want anyone to leave. That's how childish I am. I should welcome it. Not be afraid of it. Wow, this is getting pretty deep. I don't know- I just had to get out some of my thoughts about all this.

I'm just seeing more and more each day that NOTHING else matters in this life- not money, not where we live, not what we have, not our jobs, not anything- except Jesus and our relationship with Him. That's the only thing that moves on with us. Whether we do or don't choose Him determines where we will spend eternity. And I want to spend Eternity with my Jesus. Yet I get so caught up in the things that don't matter-worry about dumb things- finances, getting a new house, keeping our house in order, what I look like, oh just silly things like that.

I'm just going to keep on praying for Kate and Dylan. Maybe God's plan for them is that they do get healed, and that they would be used in BIG ways for Him- to further His Kingdom. That would be cool. And just keep knowing that God is the Blessed Controller of ALL things. He works all things for good to all those who are called according to His purpose. And to pray for those that I know that haven't yet chosen Jesus Christ to be their Savior, because I really would love it if they could spend Eternity with Jesus too. Anyways, sorry for this sort of dark posting, I just had to get this out.