Being Mommy

I was just reading a blog that I really enjoy. It's by a Lysa TerKeurst that is a wonderful speaker and writer, and has a huge heart for Jesus. And she's so funny! So I pop over to her blog every once in a while. I read this post, and just feel in total agreement about something she wrote. Here's what it said:

Last night I had the distinct privilege to attend the school production at my daughters’ school. Things were a little rushed trying to get everything together and everyone out the door on time.

There was hair that needed to be curled.

Nerves that needed to be calmed.

Last minute props that needed to be found.

And Doritos that needed to be eaten--- for dinner! Oh dear.

But we did it! We were only 3 minutes late which I considered a major victory. But my victorious feeling was short lived.

One of the opening numbers was a group song where kids from Brooke’s class stood in a line to present. Everyone had on the proper uniform. Crisp white shirts and dark pants. However, the most noticeable part of everyone’s attire were their shoes. The stage was at just the right height for the performer’s shoes to be at the audience’s eye level.This is what I saw as I scanned the row of precious performers:Black dress shoes, black dress shoes, black dress shoes, black dress shoes, black dress shoes, black dress shoes---Blue Satin Clippy Clappy Shoes, three sizes too big!

My eyes stopped scanning the row of shoes and slowly lifted to identify the girl front and center wearing the fancy clippie clappies. My husband noticed the shoes at the same moment and leaned over to whisper, “What does Brooke have on her feet?”

It appears she had decided that her outfit needed a little pizzaz--- a little glamour--- a little blue satin that went clippie clappy all the way off that very wooden stage.

In that moment I had a choice to get all caught up in the “oh my stars, good moms know what kind of shoes their daughter has on before she clunks across stage....” Or, I could see it as a funny memory we’ll enjoy talking about forever.

As a mom I’m learning the power of laughter, grace, and letting only God’s truths define me and my kids. So, if you see me in the grocery store this week wearing some blue satin clippie clappy shoes of my own, just high five me.

I just loved that. That is something I feel like I'm learning lately too, and I want to just embrace that and let it soak in. As a mom, I'm learning the power of laughter, grace, and letting only God's truths define me and my kids. It doesn't matter what others think, say or do. I answer to One, and that's God. And with His help, He will continue to show me His ways and how to lead my kids. How to show them how truly loved they are, who Jesus is, and be an example to them. So that they want to be loved by Him, and love Him forever.

And her daughter reminded me of Teda. That's going to be her. She makes everything her own, and doesn't worry about what others think of her. In fact, in her mind, there's no reason for anyone to think anything other than how fabulous she is. I can take a few pointers from her! She is a girl who has confidence, and I want to help her grow in that. And not just in the confidence in how she looks, but in who she is in Christ. Because without Him, we're nothing. He is our only hope.

Being a mom is so awesome, but also so hard. There is pain in it too, frustration, annoyances, and all that. And I really struggle with confidence in my ability to be a "good" mom. Maybe it's because most of the time I look to myself for strength, rather than to God. And I am really hard on myself for not being this organized, calm (meaning self controlled), have it all together, super clean house, laundry always done, always dressed with make up on, creative with crafts for the kids to do, kids always look together with hair combed and matching outfits type mom. And why do I care about those things? Because I care what others think- want to look good. How sad to even admit that. But it's the truth. Do I lose it with my kids? Yes, daily. And then have to go back and apologize for losing it. Being a mom is honestly, next to being a wife, the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I guess maybe I'll be teaching my kids that we're imperfect people, and on our own, there's no hope of it getting better. Because no matter how hard I try on my own, I'll never be good enough. I NEED Jesus. Desperately. Because my heart is desperately wicked, and selfish. My mom always says, we're all just filthy rags. So true! Christ dying for me bridged the gap that would've always been there between me and God otherwise. And He shows me how to be a better mom and wife, which I need so much help with. He is the hope I have.

And I want to really focus on letting God's truths define me and my kids. His truths, not this worlds. Not all those things I reach for just to give the illusion that I have it all together. I think I'll start embracing the fact that I don't have it all together, and being okay with that.