Sweet and Sour...

Lately, it seems like our kids are giving us a run for our money. Parenting intentionally is SO hard! It really is the hardest thing I've ever done or will ever do in my life. Truly! It's not just this mindless thing I can do throughout the day, and my job is just to physically make sure they have all they need. It's SO much more than that. I have been given the responsibility of caring for Teda, Dane, Jett, and soon Deklan spiritually and emotionally as well. That is a HUGE job. It's tiring, and it gets so frustrating at times for me because I feel stuck a lot. We'll be in the middle of a "situation", and I will feel like, uh oh, where do I go from here? I need to pray more in the middle of those times. Because each time I try and do it on my own, I fail. Usually miserably. And have to go to them later and ask for forgiveness. If anything, our kids are learning that we need Jesus, and the reason why we need His grace. And each of our kids are different, with different personalities and needs. It's a lot to keep up with! But I'm gonna keep on keepin on.

After one of the kids throws a fit for some reason or another, and all is calm- and they're back to themselves again... I think, why did we even have this issue in the first place? They're so sweet, how did this happen? Not all the time, but very often, I can go back and see how I played a role in causing them to get louder, more frustrated, feel more misunderstood. I don't like to admit that- I'd like to say that I'm perfect, I never react in anger or raise my voice at them or threaten them with ultimatums that I hope I don't have to act on.......but I totally do. And I notice that as my flesh rises to the surface and as I get more frustrated and angry, they follow my lead. Fancy that. Who would've thought that they would follow my lead. They are kids, and they are made that way!

A few weeks ago, my sister Julie and her husband Joel were over, and we were talking about parenting. (They don't have any kids yet, and I tease her especially while one of the kids is in a mood, come on Julie- don't you want this? I think we're pretty good birth control for them... :)) Anyways, I was telling them that I'm finding that I'd love to think that my kids are the problem, and that there is a way to "fix" them. But the truth is that I need to look to myself first, because if I don't "fix" me and work out my own issues, then we'll never get anywhere. Parenting is not nearly as much about my kids as it is about me, and looking to the right place to work on being more like Christ each day. And I'll admit, that's a struggle for me right now. I need to be in the Word, I need to be praying more often- I say need because it's literally a necessity in order for things to go well in my home. Parenting cannot be done on my own strength, so Lord, I need you and your help!

PS- Our life is not always this horrible, chaotic mess that I feel like I may have shown you today in this post. We really do have tons of fun and there is much laughter and joy in our home, and in us and our kids. But not always- and I don't want to only post about all the good when that's not reality, ya know? I was just thinking about parenting and how messy it can be. And how the kids are like this candy- sweet and sour. And really, I am too- sweet and sour both in one candy. My goal is to be more sweet than sour though!

Here we are- sweet tarts... sweet and sour candy people!


Sweet and sour gummy worms......
Sour patch kids... they should make a new kind- sour patch parents! HA!