4

Teda wore 4 barrettes to school today. We were getting ready to go (running late, in a hurry of course, and I'm rushing her- I've got to get better about that), and I asked her to pick out a barrette, and she picked two. I started to tell her that she can only have one (I didn't tell her this, but I was thinking, that would look wierd to have them where she was asking me to put them in her hair... I know, do NOT nominate me for mother of the year!), and then I decided that it doesn't matter what she wears. If she wants more barrettes than she normally wears, then great! So I internally changed my attitude, and asked her what she wanted. And she decided she wanted two barrettes right next to each other, and then even decided for two more- so she had a total of four right next to each other. It actually looked pretty cute- how could she not look cute, no matter what she wears? I realized how controling I am, and I don't like that. I am now very interested in changing that. I want Teda to know that she is beautiful no matter what she looks like, and when I tell her she can or can't wear something, in a way I'm telling her and showing her that we have a way that this society does things and that is unacceptable. I so don't want to break her spirit like that. Anyways back to the barrette story, I could tell that I had frazzled her by beginning to tell her she could only wear one barrette and rushing her through the entire getting ready routine, because I told her to look in the mirror and give herself a big smile, and she looked in the mirror and it looked like she was about to cry. Oh, that just broke my heart- because I was the reason she didn't feel confident when she looked at herself. Even now, it's just so hard to know that hard truth. So I looked at her and told her that she is just beautiful, and that I knew she had a smile in there to give herself. So I had her look again, and as she did I tickled her. She gave herself a really big smile, and it was like, Teda was back. I gave her a hug and told her I love her, and I think she really needed to feel loved. (she went on to have a great time at preschool and a great day) And here's the thing too, I can tell her with my words that I love her many times over, but my actions will show her if that is really true or not. So this is a huge lesson for me that my attitude and actions really do affect my kids in a big way. Such great motivation for me to keep on truckin in working on being the me that I know God wants me to be. It's a tough thing to know that I can affect my kids in a negative way, it's like I don't want that to be true. But it's also exciting and encouraging when in the middle of it I see what's happening, and make a change and watch things turn around for the better. And the more I'm aware of it, the more positive changes I know we'll see!

Teda is such a creative, confident, sweet, helpful, caring, kind, loving little girl who has her own style. I don't ever want that to change because it makes her who she is. She also loves truth, and is not afraid to call someone out on the carpet. I love that about her, and she's such an encouragement to me and amazing little reminder for me to show me how I want to live my life. I'm so thankful that God has given her to Zach and I to raise and to show her His love. She's just awesome!