WOW

Ok, so being the mommy to sick kids is really really hard. Remember all that I said about how Dane never gets sick? Well, forget it all because he woke up very early this morning saying what I thought was his neck hurt, turns out he has been saying his ear hurts. Awesome. Another trip to the dr? Okay then. (actually, he said he has a booger in his ear... like it feels stopped up or something) And he said his throat hurts too, and he's been a stinker today. Kids when they're sick just are poopy! But I guess when I'm sick, so am I, so why would I blame them? It just takes SO much more energy to take care of a child when they're feeling under the weather, let alone three of them. And Zach is in California right now, which I wouldn't want it any other way because it's super important that he be there. I just miss him terribly. I don't realize how much I need him and love him until he's not right here with me. I mean, it just becomes so obvious how this is a job for a team to do together. I love having my teammate be my best friend and husband. And I'm ready to tag out and hand the baton to him right about now... but you know, I feel this quiet strength in me all the while. I know that God is giving me all that I need to do this job that He's given me to do this week. So I'm extremely grateful for this strength. And the support we have here is just awesome- my parents are so great. Seriously. We went there for naps and spent the night last night. My mom is just awesome with them- and they adore grandma and papa. After naptime, I took Jett and went to the store and to pick up dinner, and my mom watched Teda and Dane while I was gone. And that time alone- I say alone with one child because that really is like being alone! Especially since this baby can't talk or walk yet, which is nice right now... And then this morning, I had a hair appointment, and my mom watched the kids again while I got my hair done! Which I know was a hard job because the kids are so stubborn right now. But she gets it, she is patient with them and is such an example of how I'd like to be with them.

I have a long way to go before I become the mom I want to be, but I know it's not about the destination. It's more about the journey and as tough as it is, I do enjoy being on the journey.

I have had a few moms with older kids tell me recently, that it does get easier. In the sense that they're not always going to need every waking moment of my attention and help. (not to say they won't need me or my attention or anything like that, they'll just be a bit more independent) They will be in school one day, which will give me a bit of time to get other things done as the care taker of our household. I do want to enjoy this time in our lives, and I also do like to know that it isn't always like this. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. I was talking with a friend the other day, and we were talking about how no one tells you how hard motherhood is- you just figure it out as you go. And even as you go, not many people are honest about their struggles, so you end up feeling like maybe it's just you. If anyone has felt or feels like this, please know it's not just you! I'm right here with you! Even in the midst of the dark moments, there's glimmers of light. And those are what make me love this job more than anything and not want to trade it for anything.